WEIRD NEGOTIATIONS

 

Hola! Mi amor!

When you meet me for the first time, or you hear me speak, you’ll probably tell me the same thing everyone says, ‘You’re intelligent’ I guess that’s what made my SSA boss hire me way back in 2012. It’s become cliché because it a regular- first-impression-rub-off. You see, it's how I come across, it not ‘act’ to impress (although it’s only fair that I put in an extra effort if I want to get something from you).

There’s also a possibility of connecting with my ‘inner chimp’ before you meet the real me. Necessary façade.

It started out as just liking me and liking you, a couple of banters and after some unnecessary ghosting because we discovered a connection and decided to make it work.

Oyinbo aside, make I just yarn una gist; I met bobo in a corporate setting, thinking about it again, it was random yeah but his alpha-male streak caught my attention laced with the nerdy look but the part wey dey burst my head ehn…na the Bad boy signature beards. Gaddemit! (I’m allowed to be vain please)

He was upfront about being in serious relationship so he wanted us to be friends at least. Triangle alert! I said, ‘Guy, mba I no dey do, plus na long distance’. Somehow, we still kept in touch and chatted once in a while. When he moved back to Lagos, ‘miraculously’ the ‘serious relationship didn’t work out and so Alaye suggested we should gum body as per coast don clear, normal level.

The first of those conversations in taking our interesting friendship to the next level was all so weird to me. The phrase “I want your genes” jumped at me. Almost immediately we were talking about him having commitment phobia about the ‘marriage thing’ (that’s how he called it, beautiful institution God created, thing’ issokay) and that he wants me to have his kids and then we can eventually get married after. Ehh God! You say? Did I mention that he actually said we could sign a contract and negotiate the terms and conditions if I want. Yeah, he said that. It all looked like a scene from a movie.

This conversation was clearly messing with my head at this point, let me tell you how. This point the overrated intelligence (that y’all rate me for) kicked in. As we talked, I kept juxtaposing and doing the math in my head, ‘’Wait oh, Me? Tosin? Baby Mama kwa? Ko balance. My hands were on my head, how did I get here? After he dropped the bombshell casually because it seemed very normal to him, I calmly told him I respect marriage institution and would prefer having kids within the confines of a marriage instead. Oga said think about it. I said ‘Ok’.

I thought he was joking but I did take time off to think about it and these were my thoughts; God this is your fault, if I was married this guy wouldn’t be proposing Baby Mama to me in the first place. Does he think I’m so desperate? Ofcourse I want to settle down like yesterday why can’t I do it the right way? Marriage is a blessing na. Lord is this a temptation? How do I have kids for someone we barely know one another? So if I say yes now and eventually I don’t have kids, who would lose? Self-worth questions; Won’t I always think of myself as a baby making machine? Won’t I always second-guess being loved, him forsaking all others and choosing me as ‘The One’ to spend the rest of his life with? Is this him going to the extreme with lies just for sex, (that would be a really wild idea, if he cooked up this idea just to have sex. I guess this is what they term overthinking and overanalyzing issues. It’s even a harder decision to make because babe don dey like bobo.

Sigh, this is complique! These are the real issues; His basis for making the offer; he had checked her profile/background and he likes her enough to be the mother of his kids. Is it okay to be stupidly proud that someone rates my genes? LMAO. Yah stupid. He says it’s more about putting priority on childbirth because of age constraints than being desperate. Right now, matter dey cooler, but he keeps saying let’s have our babies. What are your thoughts let me know your thoughts and advice for Sis, Sis is a bit rusty with relationships let alone a complicated one. Sis is me.

As we gradually sign out of 2020, Bad boys and triangle situation-ships no go see us but the most important one; God no go shame us!